CHANGE

To start 2021, let’s talk about CHANGE.

I have always been a fan of change. Actually, quite frankly, even addicted to it. So much that sometimes I run away from routine and structure to a point that I, myself, become chaotic. There. I said it.

– This is what comes with age in life (I am about to be 40!): if it goes well, brutal honesty, if it goes bad, cynism. I have been very fortunate in my life and I try to be grateful every day by writing what I am grateful for, so I focus on what I have.

Some people love change, many are afraid of it (the unknown, taking risks).

We all need it.

But to what extent can CHANGE be an actual positive asset in our lives?

If we never change, we don’t grow, we stagnate, we fossilize, we die. If we change all the time, change too much, too fast, we have no order, no structure, no stability, we dysregulate and can’t function.

The “happy”, or well-succeeded relationships of our times, are perhaps the most evolved, the heathiest relationships that ever existed. But still, most fail.

Why?

Because few can actually climb that mountain, where the view is great at the top, but the air is thinner and not everyone is cut out to make the climb, especially together. It takes many things, but above all:

Trust – Without it, there is no reason to continue and nothing can be built. Honesty is the oxygen of a healthy, sustainable relationship.
Courage – The will to take risks and that includes… to be honest!
Creativity – How to keep “the spark” alive. For both the self and the relationship.
Vision – Similar or compatible values and goals.

So what makes a relationship to be successful and sustainable in our modern times of 2021? How do we maintain “the spark”?

Calibrating expectations (doesn’t mean lowering them necessarily, but rather diversifying them)
Diversify having your needs met (your partner cannot give you everything or be your everything! Your social life, sense of accomplishment, travel or fun companion, intellectually equal, best friend, best lover, adventurer partner, the only source of affection, inspiration, etc.)
Do NEW things together – doing things we enjoy together is cozy and fosters friendship. But if we want intensity, we need to take risks and go out of our comfort zone: not so rarely that we don’t manage to keep the spark alive, and not so often that we cannot function as a partnership, an actual couple with its own structure.

There is a difference between a LOVE story and a LIFE story. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a love story with someone who is cut out to have a life story together with you, but they are not the same. One is about feelings, the other one is about VALUES. That’s why sharing similar VALUES is so important if you want to build a life with a partner. Do they have to be exactly the same? No. But your overall vision on life, yes.

And that’s why that’s the first exercise I do with my clients because everything springs out from that when you want to build a sustainable relationship at this point in your life.

>> So what story are you in? What story do you want to be in? Can you have both? How willing are you to take responsibility for your present story? Taking responsibility is the ultimate freedom.

>> Book a session with me so we can, together, find answers to these questions.

With love,

Elisa.

January, 22nd, 2021.

Not all love stories are life stories. Not all life stories are love stories.

What does it take? Which one do you want? In which story are you?

Can you have both?

book a free INITIAL Session – email contact@elisadelima.com