Homage to MEN

As promised…

I could not end 2020 without an article on the amazing creature that inhabits planet Earth, called “man”.

I know for many people, this year has been terrible/ a year to forget / a year that never existed / a virus “in the system” / etc.

For me… this has been a life-changing year. I am deeply grateful for 2020. I feel for everyone for whom this year was a real challenge. And of course, for those who haven’t gone through the difficulties, it’s easy to say there is always a positive side, always a lesson to learn. But even though I didn’t have “those” challenges, I had challenges, nonetheless. And all challenges make me grow.

This was a year for a retreat. Earth gained some peace, finally. And so did we? For those who listened to this calling, we did.

My retreat started with a 200 km walk by myself to Santiago de Compostela in wintertime – where I literally walked for hours, even days, without crossing another human being, just dialoguing with pristine nature around me – and ended in me creating my own practice as Relational Coach, using my name, “Elisa de Lima”, which is precisely about Connecting – with the other and with ourselves above all.

My mission is to contribute to the education and freedom of our own selves, with the intention of living extraordinary lives of pleasure and authenticity.

We are not here to be slaves. We are here to enjoy, explore, live adventures, to feel alive. –  not to feel we are surviving.

I don’t consider myself a feminist, firstly because I’m not a fan of labels of any kind. Secondly, personally, equal rights between genders (equal rights, not “equal genders”!) is not even a discussion. And yes, many women had to fight hard and give their lives for us women now to be where we are. The same way workers of both genders had to do the same so we could all work 8h a day and not 16h or more. Have we reached a balanced, human, fair, and healthy society? Not yet. I believe that the actual achievement will come when we can practice in our personal lives what we preach to the outside, with or without labels. Then we have integrity.

I also observe that more often than not, women themselves, even “feminist” women, end up doing what they condemn men for and rebel against: badly treating their male partners. A type of treatment that is considered violent or “domestic violence” and would NOT be tolerated by women. This includes shouting, screaming, insulting, condescending, humiliating, diminishing, invalidating, putting down, extreme criticism, lack of empathy, etc.

So is not about women nor is it about men, it is about human behavior.  – “There is definitely definitely definitely no logic, to human behavior” – Bjork.

I wanted to write this article because, in the midst of female emancipation, which I deeply desire and applaud, it seems that the male “species” is losing its space, its value, and its (equal) importance. And in the end, it is all about balance, not about extremes, not about chauviNISM or femiNISM.

I am a lover of men, I adore them. I love them. The high value, mature, passionate, sensitive, loving, caring, nurturing, action-orientated, decisive, hot, sunny, extroverted men/male force/yang energy. And all Yang contains a Yin element and vice versa. Having this feminine side well-integrated and embraced by men, is a sign of strength and maturity, not of weakness.

Men:

…whatever you were taught or shown by role models, mentors, etc., (or not shown), whatever society or even ex-partners made you think, you are sexy when you feel, beautiful when you share your deepest, most honest feelings, and truly powerful when you show your vulnerability.

We need you, yes, but not in a needy way, which is what WE, women, were made to think. That’s our distorted heritage. You have yours: “Boys don’t cry”, “Man up”, and so forth…

So don’t be scared to win our hearts. We want you to win them, so much… and THAT is precisely the desire which is the root of our “need”. It’s a longing, lust, and deep love for our counterpart, all mixed together. It’s beautiful and it isn’t a dependency. It’s the reason we stay alive.

The challenge of our polarity is to always approach the other with curiosity and embrace our complementary forces.

There is no statement more self-defeating than “men are all the same”. This is a sign of an experience that left a woman cynical. It’s very sad. It lacks the very essential element that is needed to stay alive: desire. And to desire, we need to want. To want we need to appreciate something we don’t have or that is different from us.

To do that… we need to develop and explore our Erotic Selves.

See you in 2021 with a cheeky smile!

With love (and pleasure),

Elisa.